Why Don't I Do Yoga More?

So this morning I was feeling kind of strange. Just a touch melancholy or sensitive perhaps, yet still withdrawn enough from the emotion to be able to witness it. I was in one of my favorite places (The sprout house at the Tree of Life) with one of my favorite people alive on the planet (my husband Andrews, who also happens to be the Sprout House manager). Why did I feel so strange. I was neither tired nor hungry. I'm not pre-menstrual. What was up?

Well after my morning of service I thought I would just do yoga when I got home. Having neglected my practice for so long, I just couldn't bear to "go there" by myself, so I turned to the Candlelight yoga video from Netflix (Gotta love instant play), got out my yoga mat and meditation cushion and went for it.

Boy was I glad I did. It is amazing the presence and the focus that came back instantly. And the usual question came up. Why don't I do yoga more often? Why don't I just resume my practice?

On mornings that I do practice, my day always goes so much better. It is not that better things are happening, but it is my response to things that change. My character changes. My body changes. I have less aches and pains and have an ability to actually relax during physically and mentally stressful situations. Yoga works on me in ways I cannot fully explain or control. It reaches all the parts of my body and psyche that have been cramped, closed, unexercised, unfreed.

It is said that in addition to working on muscles and joints, yoga is one of the few (I'm not sure about this but it might be the only, besides other things like Tai Chi and Qi Gong) that works on the glands. So it changes the body process. But what is so amazing to me about yoga is that it is one of the few excercises that actually works on the chakras. And you can feel it.

I remember the first time I noticed the effects of yoga, it was in the wayback - (About 5 years ago when I had a regular practice.) I was working at a lah-de-dah 5-star hotel in a busy department where we had to be efficient, fast and gracious and make it look easy at the same time. Basically it was like being a duck in water, as my friend would say, where you are paddling for all you are worth under the water, but on the surface you just appear to be effortlessly gliding.

Prior to yoga, I was able to put on the appearance of being unruffled but inside buttons were being pushed with every mini-drama that appeared on my tv. Post-yoga, it was as if I were a ninja, samurai or a character in the matrix. I was focused and present and calm no matter what happened. I first noticed that when i all of a sudden realized that 10 things just happened that ordinarily would piss me off, and that I had barely even noticed them. I was no longer reacting to every stimulus. I would just respond appropriately with the called for energy and action without getting swept up in the urgency or emotion of the situation.

My co-workers commented on my composure frequently but I never knew really what they were talking about until that moment. Now I am not saying that yoga is a cure-all for freak-outs. It just helps...tremendously. The frequency, duration and intensity of crises seems to diminish.

I find that to be true today. When I am more regular with my practice, I am more loving, grounded, non-judgmental, and responsive as opposed to reactionary. I have more energy, but more importantly, the ability to focus that energy into appropriate activity increases.

You would think that all this would motivate me to surrender to practicing more often instead of nurturing my resistance, but it does not. Knowing that it benefits me seems to not be enough. I think that my resistance can only be cured in the yoga itself. The deeper I get into the practice - showing up on a regular basis, the more I find myself being drawn to go. The more I stay away, the less I want to go and stay in the "should go" space.

I find myself blogging about this today because I am hoping that bearing this aspect of my personal struggle will motivate me to show up more for myself. My truer self. My warrior self, that never judges me for being away for so long, but always welcomes with open arms, a warm smile and a "Greetings my old friend. I am so glad to have you back."

I would love to hear what motivates any of you to show up regularly for your yoga practice. What is the source or nature of your resistance? I think this would be a great discussion between regular practitioners and those who are just interested.

Namaste

Eden